Psychotherapist Philippa Perry, and columnist for The Guardian, responds to a reader’s question: “Does it really matter if your in-laws hate you?”

It matters if your in-laws hate you. They’re going to be upset, you’re going to be upset, your partner is going to feel pretty horrible too. Dislike can be easier to feel than fear or sadness, and takes less effort than love. My mother in-law loathed me so much. I tried to love her but in the end opted for self-protection and cut off contact. My father sneered at my sister’s husband who won him round in the end by lovingly caring for him in his old age. Why it matters is because all that hating was such a waste of life.